Why Did I Feel Like I Failed?

I always believed that a “normal” delivery was the right way to bring a baby into the world, better for the body, quicker recovery, and a sign of strength. This wasn’t just my belief; it was something reinforced subtly but powerfully by the people around me.

My father-in-law often spoke with pride about his ex-wife, who had had two “normal” deliveries. My mother delivered both my sister and me “normally”. My aunt, on the other hand, had a C-section, and people around me described her body as never having been the same. Even my best friend fought through pain and pressure to have a vaginal birth, and I admired her for it.

So when I became pregnant, I was determined - I walked, did my lunges, stretched, and prepared my body in every way I could. I believed that if I worked hard enough and was strong enough, I could avoid a C-section.

But life, as it often does, had other plans.

At 39 weeks, with no signs of labor and limited support, as we lived in a nuclear setup, my doctor suggested induction. My mother had already been with us for two weeks and could only stay for a short while. We decided to go ahead.

What followed were 22 hours of labor. Then my water broke prematurely. My cervix had still not dilated. The doctor gently explained that the safest path forward was a C-section. We could wait a few more hours, she said, but it wasn’t advisable.

At that moment, I broke down. I couldn’t speak. I cried, feeling like I had somehow failed. This wasn’t the story I had envisioned. But we did what was best for our baby and for me. And my baby was born through C-section.

What followed was a flurry of comments. My father-in-law proudly shared the story with his friends abroad. My best friend said, “It’s sad… after such a long labor, you still couldn’t deliver normally.” Even she remembered a dream where I delivered a baby boy, but through a C-section.

Somewhere deep inside, I felt like I hadn’t done it “right.” I carried that guilt silently.

And then one day, during my baby’s Chhath puja, a friend of mine, who had a vaginal delivery, said something that finally clicked. “There is no such thing as a ‘normal’ delivery,” she said. “It’s either a vaginal delivery or a cesarean delivery.”

That stayed with me.

Why do we call one “normal” and paint the other as a failure? Why don’t we just call them what they are, two valid, medically sound ways to bring life into the world?

I wish someone had told me earlier: don’t get attached to the idea of how you’ll deliver. It doesn’t define your strength or your success.

What matters is that you and your baby are safe. Both vaginal births and C-sections come with their challenges, and each woman’s journey is shaped by her body and her circumstances.

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